Monthly Archive for November, 2009

Day… Something

Overslept this morning. Fucking pissed at myself for that. -_- I set my alarm well loud, when I woke up, it was carefully turned off. Here, click the link. I think I’ll set my webcam to record, just to see wtf I do, if I’m actually awake and I just don’t remember it, or what… It requires getting out of bed, walking over here, and messing with the selotape over the volume knob on the speakers. I need more tape I think…

Gonna rearrange my room tonight I think. Guess I’ll get started on that once I’m done with this.

Took Sophie to the vet, in a week she can be taken for walks! Think Bella is off heat now too and all the dogs are fully wormed as of today. Wormer needs to be once a month for the pups and once every 3 months for the big dogs. I wonder if you have to cycle through the different brands like you do with horses…  Probably not. I also need to drop the vaccination card in at the vets some time because I forgot to take it with me today.

The vet here is cheap! £27 for 6 wormer tablets and Sophies shots today, the time we took Sophie for a checkup on her chest, they only charged us for the wormer, £1.27 or something in total. Never would have gotten that in Manchester, they practically charged you £25 just to walk through the door there. Normally no more than a 10-15 min wait here either.

I do miss Manchester sometimes though.

I went to the co-op earlier to get some stuff for dinner, and I saw 7 houses all with Christmas decorations up. Like, the full blown flashing lights and Christmas trees. They get started early around here… Pretty though, I like walking in the dark and seeing all the houses warm and lit up with decorations.

There was one house that was really pretty, I wanted to take a picture of it.  Maybe I’ll take my camera with me the next time I go out. They’d gone all out on the lights and tinsel and had a big Christmas tree in the corner, but it was still fairly tasteful, no inflatable santas or whatever.

For dinner I made a sort of selection-plate-thing, carrot sticks and celery and tomatoes and squares of cheese, and other things I don’t remember, with dips. It was nice, I’m really not in the mood for meat at the moment…

Cakes and things.

Keep finding myself going back to using Opera instead of Chrome, so I end up with both of them open :/

I napped earlier, dreamt AND woke up with my alarm! But I missed the 7pm nap and the 8pm nap I was gonna take instead, because my brother was here and mum’s having a really bad day.

Me and Terence made a vanilla lemon sponge cake earlier, made two actually, but made them in loaf tins instead of round ones, because we made it while the dinner was cooking and it took longer than expected and finding round tins is hard. It split on the top like this and went a really nice colour, at which point mum convinced me to turn the oven off.

It sank like, 4 inches, went totally and utterly flat, shrunk in on itself and the split bit just ended up looking wrong. We ate the worse looking one (It tasted of lemon and awesome, even if it was a bit gooey) but I’ll go downstairs later and take a pic of the other one, just for the sheer wrongness of it.

Yes that was my dinner a couple of days ago. The rolls were hot from the oven and it woulda looked better if we hadn’t run out of walnuts.

Day 4?

Why can I function so well on only 3 hours sleep.

Problem Points

1. 4am – 8am is my weak time, I need to be active during that time otherwise I end up falling asleep (and waking up naturally at 8:30, for some reason. I guess I’m used to waking up for half an hour then, because that’s when the postman knocks.) Reading does not count as active. Anything to do with sitting on my bed does not count as active. xD This is the time of the day I’d like to do housework, I get the urge to hoover and stuff, but I don’t think the neighbours would be very impressed.

2. Caffeine. I should give this up again. Sigh. I haven’t had a cup of tea in.. Days! Lemon water it is, although there is some ribena in the cupboard downstairs now I think about it.

3. The guy who did this said he slept better with a dim light, I suppose I could plug my computer light back in and buy a sunjar. I need a lamp or something in here anyway, nothing too bright but all I have at the moment is the ceiling light, so I end up staggering to bed in the dark, tripping over puppies and stuffed crocodiles.

4. I am typing this with my eyes closed because the amount of floaters in my eyes is seriously annoying and I don’t have the light on so the screen seems extra bright. This isn’t a new thing though. I still haven’t gotten round to that eyetest, but when I do, I’ll ask about it.

5. Food, should I try and improve my diet? At the moment it’s not brilliant.

6. More frequent naps? If I get drowsy I guess I should nap, but I feel fairly active and fairly alert fairly constantly, despite having no sleep. I’ve started trying to have half an hour of downtime just sitting before each nap, but it doesn’t seem to be making a lot of difference. My pattern at the moment is 12/4/8/12/4/8 but I’m gonna change it to 11/3/7/11/3/7, it’s not as neat but it feels more convenient.

7. Upon waking up I don’t feel groggy for more than a couple of minutes, despite only having half an hours/3 hours sleep with no dreams. What’s with that? Am I an insomniac? Bipolar? Am I suddenly gonna crash and sleep away a week? I do get fairly manic sometimes, and sometimes really depressed, but I figure everyone does to a certain extent. Maybe it’s just the way I built myself up to this, instead of going at it from a normal monophasic sleep pattern.

8. Whoa, my spelling is pretty good considering I’ve got my eyes closed. (I just tried typing this with more spelling mistakes, shiftin one key to the left, and it totally failed!)

9. It feels like 10pm, it’s 11:53am. I keep looking out the window and expecting it to be dark, I guess because I’ve got the blind closed and the light off, my sense of time is a little off. But if I open the blind, the woman from over the road watches me. <_< (She admitted it yesterday! “We watch the puppy sitting on your windowsill all the time :DDD”) and when mum was in hospital, the woman knew where I was, because she stoood outside and shouted my name when she wanted my attention. We need to move house again. ._.

I guess my dream house would either be in the middle of absolute nowhere, or in the center of the city, both good places to be anonymous. I like the city, I liked it when I used to go out in the evening to get a takeaway or something and there were just massive crowds of people all going places, all doing their own thing, not noticing anyone outside their own little bubbles. I love the buzz of it, even if I don’t participate. I also like having things close by. In the middle of nowhere, I wouldn’t get those, but at the same time there’s a lot more privacy, in my dream house I could hoover at 4 in the morning and not have to worry about waking any neighbours. Not feel constantly watched if I have the curtains open. Here in suburbia, there’s neither of those. It’s boring and quiet, there’s neighbours on either side and it’s a 10~ minute walk to get to the nearest shop. Close enough to be ok, but far enough away to still be irritating if you run out of bread and it’s raining. Two minutes walk I could do, a half hours drive I could do, a 10~ minute walk is just irritatingly neither.

I need to learn to drive and write a book or something already, I don’t really want a job and I’m not entirely sure I could find or hold one down even if I did. I need to find some way of making money, Tera linked me a nice article a while ago about becoming separate, not being tied down to a job or anything, lots of little sources of income. It sounded good, but it’s a lot of work and motivation to get there. I don’t think I’m gonna be tying myself down to another person any time soon either though. :/ I have a lot of free time now, I just need to invest it in something. (I’m trying, Tera :p)

I don’t need a lot of money, a small house or flat, with a good internet connection would suit me, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t have any other really expensive habits other than my computer. Enough to cover that and the odd book would suit me fine.

I dunno, I have two (who I speak to every day) online friends and no offline friends, but I don’t feel lonely, I’m good at entertaining myself if left alone and it means I’ve got no obligations, no commitments to anyone. Maybe the 3 of us will actually be able to make it to the same place at the same time one day, who knows. :p P Meeting Tera was fun, even if it was under really shitty circumstances. Might be able to get over there again in Jan, we’ll see how things are then. I wanna go back to Finland again eventually too, it was so pretty… I loved it, I really, really did…

So I guess I’d like to move out, live on my own already, even it meant getting a shitty job in tescos or something, but I can’t move out because of mum, I went on holiday for two days and she ended up hospitalised! She says it would have happened anyway even if I hadn’t left, but still. She’s getting worse and there’s nothing I can do but watch, she’ll have one good day then 4 bad days where she can’t even get out of bed and I’m not the most sympathetic, most caring person in the world at the best of times.

It’s been a fucked up year. That’s all I can say. Lets hope the next one is better.

I’m a faailure, sort of. Maybe not.

Fell asleep this morning and slept for 3 hours, I don’t remember dreaming. I don’t remember falling asleep either.  I napped an hour ago and actually managed to fall asleep, so that’s an improvement. I guess the adrenaline high I’ve been on is starting to wear through.

One interesting thing about all this, is it’s given me asthma, I’ve noticed it before when I get tired, my chest goes really tight. Oh well, nothing ventolin can’t cure.

Got part-way through American Gods, I like it so far. Nation arrived this morning but I won’t try and read both at once.

I dunno, I’m enjoying updating this at the moment, I like typing out long bits of text and the reason I’ve always given up on blogs before is I’ve been stupid and emo and never managed to think of anything to post after the first week. I always end up going back to it after a year, wincing at all the terrible posts and then deleting it all, must’ve done that to at least 5 blogs over the years. I did it to this one too before I restarted, only kept the page-a-day things and the odd post.

But the more I update this, the easier it gets to think of things to post about.

Maria, the woman who sold us the pups, came over today, she wanted me to take a photo of a dog she wants to sell, and to put it online (very cute female pomeranian, 3 months old, £350 but you can probably barter her down to £300 if you really try, sold as owners are unable to give it enough time due to work), I think she was hinting she’d give it to us cheap, but no way. xD It was awfully cute, but it was also very shy of the other dogs and, also, five dogs? Four is bad enough! I wonder at what number you reach the point where one more makes no difference. 6? 7? 10? 30?

I’ll post a picture of it later, I left the camera downstairs.

Wheee

9:22am on.. Thursday, I think this counts as day 2.

Totally weird. I was just sitting here, nodding off, trying to force myself to stay awake, and suddenly, whoosh, I felt like goosebumps pass over my whole body and bam, I’m awake and alert! wtf was that. I’ve never had anything like that before, totally and utterly weird. (Edit an hour later, yep, still wide awake!)

I managed to doze a bit at 8am, but before that, the only nap I’d actually managed to get to sleep on, was 11am yesterday, and before that, was when I’d woken up at 2pm the day before after 4 and a half hours sleep. (Plus an hour lying awake) Maybe the human body can produce it’s own caffeine? Adrenaline? I am starting to feel it though.

I read a book last night that I really enjoyed when I was a kid, nothing too challenging. I half-heartedly looked for the rest of the series for download, but could only find one, unseeded audio book and I’m not in the mood for audio at the moment.

Now that I think about it, that’s another book I stole. It’s not something I do often, honest! I was in… Year 5 when I grabbed it? Yeah, around that, picked it up off the shelf in the classroom, read it, got my friend to read it, read it again and never got round to giving it back. It’s lasted, though, I read a lot faster now than I did then, but I still enjoyed it, despite it being a kids book.

I think one of the things that differentiates kids books from adult books a lot of the time is the language used, they’ll simplify and simplify until only a 5yr old can enjoy it, and then an adult will read through it, either out of curiosity or because there’s a 5yr old in the room, and decide that all childrens books are the same, hideously simple, and that they’ll never read another one. While some of them are pretty decent stories once you get into them. I guess you’ve just gotta lower your expectations slightly and take it for what it is.

American Gods just arrived, I guess I’ll go read that.

^_________^

Day one, I suppose. 9:41pm.

It’s 9pm, I’m silly, happy, hyper and I haven’t actually been to bed yet for more than half an hour. (Tried napping at fairly regular intervals and only managed to sleep one of them) I’m sure I’ll crash soon enough, but-

Maybe I can do this!

I’ve always been a terrible sleeper, mum says I was like, 2 or 3 before I finally slept though, and even now it always takes me a good hour or two to get to sleep. I never want to go to bed, and I never want to get up.

But I want more out of my time, and I want to dream more. I want to try lucid dreaming and I want more self-discipline and more energy. I want to see it get light in the mornings, instead of waking up at 4pm. I want to read more books and try more things without feeling like I’m wasting what awake-time I have.

I will try to do this, I promise.

Here, now, I promise that I will try.

Don’t let me down, Koco.

[ Insert Imaginative Title Here ]

Hopefully the thing in the comments won’t be too bad, I got the most readable one I could find and I used a nice small set of related words for it. :p I don’t like being spammed, I’ll get nothing for months and then suddenly, bam, two hundred YOU HAVE A COMMENT emails until I lock the post. And I locked it and they moved into another post!

Anyway. I wanna try this. I figure, why not. I never leave the house anyway, and it’ll actually motivate me to shower MORE. (I generally shower every couple of days or so, more if I’m feeling depressed or it’s hot weather xD I don’t wash my hair every day, because otherwise it goes totally nuts and after I’ve washed it it goes all frizzy and mad) Plus we go through shampoo and conditioner like nuts.

Nothing to lose, anyway.

Christmas list is now Tera, Chibi, Mum, Grandma, Granddad, Terence. I still need to get something else for Chibi. I want to get him a book named “Stray Thoughts and Nosebleeds” by Duncan Sarkies, but it’s impossible to get hold of for less than £20 secondhand. I found my copy in a holiday cottage and read it out of boredom, after I’d read it, I had to steal it. It changed my life, I don’t know in what way it changed it, or how big an impact it’s really had, but it goes straight to the top of my list of books. He won some award for it, but I can’t find any reviews or anything.

Looking at Amazon, he bought out another book a while ago and it’s still relatively easy to get hold of. *makes note to grab it some time*

Huh, some girl performing one of the skits. Not bad. Shame about the camera problems. If you can get hold of a copy of the book, do it. I found a pdf version of the script from the book. Here. Read it. It’s not that long.

Haven’t done much today, went to bed at 9am, hoping to not go to bed at all tonight, see how it goes.  Had a shower, failed to nap, here I am. Maybe I’ll go find some food.

Grawg

Just had the start of a bot-spam, but I think I headed it off. This is just making sure posts and comments still work

In the money!

I finally got round to lugging all those coins to Tesco, earlier. Got the bus there, it’s not far but my shoulder was killing me before I’d even gotten to the end of the road. I was gonna take it in two trips, but decided in the end to just get it over with all at once.

I was expecting maybe, £50? I should have taken my camera as the lady wouldn’t let me keep the recipt (I guess they need it to get the money back off coinstar) I do know though, there were 0 £1 coins, 0 £2 coins, 0 50ps and 422 2p coins.

In the end, it totaled £132.86

£132.86!

It was all “Would you like to give this to children in need :D?”

Hell no. xD That’s my Christmas shopping paid for.

BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF BARK BARK

Yesterday arrived – Two rolls of wrapping paper and one box of scented candles. Yay for M&S 3 for 2, christmas tree was included in it but that arrived a day earlier for some reason. Also, This is a really nice deal for buying Christmas presents or something. They have some fairly cheap stuff, charms and whatnot. Putting in glam10 at the checkout also gets you another 10% off.

Didn’t do much yesterday that I can remember. I went to bed about 4am, was woken up at 6am because Sophie had gone to sleep on mums bed and the big dog Bella was attacking her. Suppose we won’t try that again until she’s older. Oh yeah, I played DwarfFortress for a bit. It’s gonna be awesome when he finally puts the big update out, wonder if he’ll manage it before Christmas.

The hamsters are getting fat, I can see one of them sitting in the wheel now. Can you put a hamster on a diet? Is there really any need? Maybe they naturally go that shape when they grow bigger. *takes a picture of it, uploads it, looks around at hamster to see if he’s moved yet* *hamster is happily washing his balls* -_-;; At least he keeps himself clean?

Not much has happened today, I didn’t get up till well late, I had dinner, here I am. I think I’ll tidy my bedroom, and then do a bit more of the guide Tera’s trying to make me follow. I just get bored easily… Great, I can now make a thing that insults you if you have a short name, where’s the use in that. And my one wasn’t half as pretty as Teras. xD

I just ordered the Nail Gaimen – American Gods and Terry Pratchett – Nation off Amazon, anyway, so that gives me something new to read.

List of dates and obligations
November 30th – Take Sophie to vet for her final shots, pick up wormer for all the other animals. Ask about the fact Sophie is so much smaller and her gums are so much paler than Emmys.

Try and get to the German Market in Manchester some time.

December 12th & 13th – Interesting looking thing happening in St.Helens, some Victorian event with carols and guided tours and a craft market. Brother would enjoy going to that.

Christmas! (Shop for: Grandma, Granddad, Tera, Chibi (whut dus you want?), Mum, Terence, Jenny (Who have I forgotten?))

Jan.. Something… Tera’s birthday, don’t let me forget again this year. :p (When am I gonna come stalk you again?)

Do christmas shopping
Tidy my room
Give my little alarm a proper gui maybe, maybe not. It works ok as it is.
Play more of Dragon Age
Finish fixing the layout for this blog
Play more Dwarf Fortress <3