Why can I function so well on only 3 hours sleep.
1. 4am – 8am is my weak time, I need to be active during that time otherwise I end up falling asleep (and waking up naturally at 8:30, for some reason. I guess I’m used to waking up for half an hour then, because that’s when the postman knocks.) Reading does not count as active. Anything to do with sitting on my bed does not count as active. xD This is the time of the day I’d like to do housework, I get the urge to hoover and stuff, but I don’t think the neighbours would be very impressed.
2. Caffeine. I should give this up again. Sigh. I haven’t had a cup of tea in.. Days! Lemon water it is, although there is some ribena in the cupboard downstairs now I think about it.
3. The guy who did this said he slept better with a dim light, I suppose I could plug my computer light back in and buy a sunjar. I need a lamp or something in here anyway, nothing too bright but all I have at the moment is the ceiling light, so I end up staggering to bed in the dark, tripping over puppies and stuffed crocodiles.
4. I am typing this with my eyes closed because the amount of floaters in my eyes is seriously annoying and I don’t have the light on so the screen seems extra bright. This isn’t a new thing though. I still haven’t gotten round to that eyetest, but when I do, I’ll ask about it.
5. Food, should I try and improve my diet? At the moment it’s not brilliant.
6. More frequent naps? If I get drowsy I guess I should nap, but I feel fairly active and fairly alert fairly constantly, despite having no sleep. I’ve started trying to have half an hour of downtime just sitting before each nap, but it doesn’t seem to be making a lot of difference. My pattern at the moment is 12/4/8/12/4/8 but I’m gonna change it to 11/3/7/11/3/7, it’s not as neat but it feels more convenient.
7. Upon waking up I don’t feel groggy for more than a couple of minutes, despite only having half an hours/3 hours sleep with no dreams. What’s with that? Am I an insomniac? Bipolar? Am I suddenly gonna crash and sleep away a week? I do get fairly manic sometimes, and sometimes really depressed, but I figure everyone does to a certain extent. Maybe it’s just the way I built myself up to this, instead of going at it from a normal monophasic sleep pattern.
8. Whoa, my spelling is pretty good considering I’ve got my eyes closed. (I just tried typing this with more spelling mistakes, shiftin one key to the left, and it totally failed!)
9. It feels like 10pm, it’s 11:53am. I keep looking out the window and expecting it to be dark, I guess because I’ve got the blind closed and the light off, my sense of time is a little off. But if I open the blind, the woman from over the road watches me. <_< (She admitted it yesterday! “We watch the puppy sitting on your windowsill all the time :DDD”) and when mum was in hospital, the woman knew where I was, because she stoood outside and shouted my name when she wanted my attention. We need to move house again. ._.
I guess my dream house would either be in the middle of absolute nowhere, or in the center of the city, both good places to be anonymous. I like the city, I liked it when I used to go out in the evening to get a takeaway or something and there were just massive crowds of people all going places, all doing their own thing, not noticing anyone outside their own little bubbles. I love the buzz of it, even if I don’t participate. I also like having things close by. In the middle of nowhere, I wouldn’t get those, but at the same time there’s a lot more privacy, in my dream house I could hoover at 4 in the morning and not have to worry about waking any neighbours. Not feel constantly watched if I have the curtains open. Here in suburbia, there’s neither of those. It’s boring and quiet, there’s neighbours on either side and it’s a 10~ minute walk to get to the nearest shop. Close enough to be ok, but far enough away to still be irritating if you run out of bread and it’s raining. Two minutes walk I could do, a half hours drive I could do, a 10~ minute walk is just irritatingly neither.
I need to learn to drive and write a book or something already, I don’t really want a job and I’m not entirely sure I could find or hold one down even if I did. I need to find some way of making money, Tera linked me a nice article a while ago about becoming separate, not being tied down to a job or anything, lots of little sources of income. It sounded good, but it’s a lot of work and motivation to get there. I don’t think I’m gonna be tying myself down to another person any time soon either though. :/ I have a lot of free time now, I just need to invest it in something. (I’m trying, Tera :p)
I don’t need a lot of money, a small house or flat, with a good internet connection would suit me, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t have any other really expensive habits other than my computer. Enough to cover that and the odd book would suit me fine.
I dunno, I have two (who I speak to every day) online friends and no offline friends, but I don’t feel lonely, I’m good at entertaining myself if left alone and it means I’ve got no obligations, no commitments to anyone. Maybe the 3 of us will actually be able to make it to the same place at the same time one day, who knows. :p P Meeting Tera was fun, even if it was under really shitty circumstances. Might be able to get over there again in Jan, we’ll see how things are then. I wanna go back to Finland again eventually too, it was so pretty… I loved it, I really, really did…
So I guess I’d like to move out, live on my own already, even it meant getting a shitty job in tescos or something, but I can’t move out because of mum, I went on holiday for two days and she ended up hospitalised! She says it would have happened anyway even if I hadn’t left, but still. She’s getting worse and there’s nothing I can do but watch, she’ll have one good day then 4 bad days where she can’t even get out of bed and I’m not the most sympathetic, most caring person in the world at the best of times.
It’s been a fucked up year. That’s all I can say. Lets hope the next one is better.